Are You Equally Yoked?

Prior to our wedding, my ex-husband and I were interviewed by Relationship contributor, Chanelle Woods, for an article appearing on Everything Girls Love, a website managed by Yandy Smith of Love & Hip-Hop: New York fame. In the interview, Chanelle asked me what advice I could share for future brides-to-be.

Two things came immediately to mind. First, nobody can complete you. You have to already come to the table perfectly whole. It is unfair to expect someone else to be responsible for your happiness. Secondly, you must be equally yoked.

In 2 Corinthians 6:14, the Bible tells us, “Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?” While the Bible doesn’t specifically state that you must be equally yoked in marriage, this criteria applies to all relationships and, thus, must especially be true in one of the most important relationships on Earth – the union between husband and wife.

God wants you to have a good marriage full of joy. He did not intend for your marriage to be a daily struggle. Darkness can not exist where there is light. Ephesians 5:22-23 commands wives to submit to their husbands for the husband is the head of the wife and Christ is the head of the husband. When you are unequally yoked, meaning either one of you is a non-believer, how then can you fulfill God’s commandments?

A good and fruitful marriage requires that you both be believers, having accepted Christ as your Lord and Savior. Your values and beliefs have to match up or else you will be in constant conflict. I interpret this to mean that your relationship must be compatible in mind, body, and spirit.

3 Elements of Being Equally Yoked

1. Mind – Intellect is an important consideration when selecting a mate; however, an often overlooked one. Education, ambition and even general awareness factor into one’s intelligence quotient. When a couple isn’t on a similar intellectual level, communication can become challenging. Disgust and resentment can set in. One partner can feel taken for granted, used or degraded. This isn’t to say that a man or woman can’t marry someone with a lower level of intellect; however, it can be very difficult. Good communication is required in a successful marriage.
2. Body – Human beings are sexual creatures by nature. The physical connection between a couple builds trust, intimacy and consecrates the joining of the flesh. When God created woman, in Genesis 2:24 the Bible says, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” Sex is what uniquely sets apart a marriage from any other type of relationship and therefore should be central to a good marriage. For this reason, the couple must work together to satisfy the sexual desires of both partners in the marriage.
3. Spirit – Your belief in Him is at the center of a blessed marriage. Without His grace, mercy and loving kindness, what incentive do you have to enter into the covenant of marriage? Furthermore, too often believers get married to unbelievers hoping that they can “change” their husband or wife over time to accept God into their lives; however, tomorrow is not promised. 1 Corinthians 7:16 reads, “For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife?” You can not possibly know and this difference in fundamental beliefs can and often does lead to divorce.

Should any one of these three elements be incompatible, conflict can arise. That conflict can lead to the breakdown of the relationship and potentially sin. Pray for wisdom and discernment when selecting a mate so that you might be guided by His will rather than arbitrary and shallow criteria.

Still not sure if you are equally yoked? Consider premarital coaching to ensure you have the foundation for a healthy marriage. And if you found value in this post, please do comment below and share it with your network